With chemo to begin in less than one week, I'm now preparing for the two side effects which my oncologist says will be most apparent; fatigue and hair loss!
While I'm not going to be able to control my fatigue levels, I am going to think back to all of the mornings whereby I have awoken and been so tired, I have thought " I cannot possibly do a run this morning".... and guess what? After an argument with the sheets, I pull myself out of bed and I'm at the gym 10mins later running..... and I feel good! This is the mindset I will adopt from here on in(bearing in mind there may be days where it's actually not possible to get out of bed for a run or I may have to reside to a walk instead). But every one of us feels tired early in the mornings and I know that when I nudge myself, it always makes me feel so good!
I'm not quite up to getting back into the gym yet after surgery however, we have been walking the surrounding hills for an hour each day, so I am feeling pretty ok. I am hoping to get back into the gym to do a couple of runs this week before chemo as I know that will make me feel positive and fit.
Approximately one week after each chemo session (there will be eight in total), my white blood cells will be extremely low, so I need to be very careful about hygeine and physical environments.... apparently a sniffle can tranform into a life threatening situation, so this will be really important to be aware of.
As for the hair loss, my Alannah headscarves arrived on Friday evening, along with some beautiful hats which my big sis purchased for me in NZ (thanks shelly bells!); I was so excited, it felt like Xmas all over! My Alannah scarves are so fabulous that I'm now actually looking forward to wearing them!
My gorgeous and kind hairdresser has offered to come to our house and shave my head, which is something I decided to do a while ago (thanks emma!). I think it will be far less traumatic for me and we are going to keep the hair and one of our friends will make a porcelain doll using my hair with it; how beautiful! I have been informed that your hair may grow back completely differently. My nurse actually scared me when she said it may grow back red and straight! (I am hoping it comes back blonde and curly obviously). I don't feel that I need to reinvent myself just yet...
My collection is looking pretty darned gorgeous actually and I have hats/scarves for all occasions; even for swimming at the beach and bedtime.
AND I'm thinking about how much less time it will take me to get ready in the bathroom each day! I will park my comb which has been with me since I was about 12 and literally travelled the world with me. I will also temporarily part ways with my hairdryer; something which also comes everywhere with me.... AND I will have more space in my suitcase for shopping when we do go away on hols; how exciting!
We did go wig shopping a couple of weeks ago.... I was informed Starkles is the place to go.... I tried on a few different options but I found it difficult because as soon as the lady saw me ( she was very sweet), she said that no matter what I have, it will look completely different to how I look now as there is no wig similar to my hair. I quite liked a short blonde style, however as I still had my hair, I couldn't escape the feeling that I was getting ready for a fancy dress party!! So it was a bit too weird as I felt like a completely different person, so I have decided to wait until I lose all of my hair and then reconsider the options. (I also have nightmares about it blowing off my head on a windy day!!).
So I have come to the conclusion that who actually needs hair and how many women have the opportunity to get away with shaving their head in their life?? It may even feel liberating....particularly in our warm climate! And as everyone says Sinead O'Connor looked gorgeous with a shaved head (I'm not sure I will have the perfect round mound that she had!).
So I have accepted that losing my hair will provide new opportunities for me but I also know deep down that I will be VERY excited about the day it begins to grow back which will be around January 2011.... (please god, don't let it come back red and straight!)
Dearest Suse,
ReplyDeleteI've just read all of your blog after Mum posted me the link and can honestly say you have taken me even more by surprise. Now I knew what an amazing, positive and strong woman you are but you have taken these strengths to a new level. What an inspiration you are to women out there.
I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I read your frank and honest account of the journey so far. I remember our tearful conversation a few weeks.
I feel so far away from both you and Maff and wish so much there was more I could do for both of you. I would love to give you a huge hug, drink champagne, giggle, watch the X factor and fall asleep on the sofa with you!
I'm thinking about you all the time.
Jo Jo XXXXXXXXXXX
ps think red and straight would be another fashion opportunity - think of the wardrobe change it would require!!
Dearest Suse, I am sure your golden locks will return just as they are now, beautiful!! The curls have been around for such a long time I can't see them disappearing forever. Keep smiling and continue to be the courageous, determined and positive young woman you are. Lots of love Mumxx00
ReplyDeleteSuse, even if you didn't lose your hair, you've got such an amazing collection of fashion headwear (even collector edition!!) now that I reckon we'd never see it anyway! And as one of those privileged few who saw the short hair do on you, I think you looked awesome with the pixie cut - albeit quite different to your current look but that style was WAY better than the little boy cut and No.1 sideys you used to have as a kid! (and I still promise to NEVER post those pics online! ha ha) And that style stayed with you way longer than this one will.
ReplyDeleteWhilst you have gorgeous curls Suse and it's such a recognisable feature of yours, it's not what makes you YOU - that goes way deeper and is not something that a little hiccup like this can take away from you.
Each day I read your posts and then talk to you on the phone and by email and I am just constantly in awe of how you are tackling this with such courage and determination.
Think of the other 'benefits' of hair loss anyway, and while you're at it just think back to that day I tried to wax your underarms when we were kids... I can still see that pain on your face :-)
Lots of love "Shelly-bells" xoxo
You crack me up!
ReplyDeleteRed and straight! HA!! Whatever happens to your locks my lovely friend, you can be assured I will find a cure via chemical warfare! No need to be concerned. Anyway, who needs to worry when you have a swag of A.Hill headgear!!
ReplyDeletee
xxxx
Dear Suse,
ReplyDeleteHair loss? I've been hairless for years and years AND, I would settle for "red and straight". I had a wig a long while ago but it blew off of my head during a 10 k race. I spotted it later but a short sighted lady was feeding it some milk!
Go with the flow Suse you're beautiful anyway.
LOL
Johnny BB
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Hi Susie
ReplyDeleteAmazing blog! I showed it to my sister from Emerald who is about to start 6 months of chemo from next week. Very inspiring and very real too. I think it has prepared her better than a thousand chats with the doc ever could. Hang in there. Don't overdo the gym workout. Embrace the spicy food/anti constipation diet. I am sending happy thoughts your way every day.
Lotsa love
Pete
xx
Hi Susie, I have just happened upon your blog. It's really touched me and I hope by now all is well and that your locks have returned, regardless of colour! Ha! My very dear friends currently battling breast cancer; she too has been so brave and inspirational. Her hair is starting to fall now and she is just amazing in her approach and outlook and like you has not lost her sense of humour :) she is doing great, all things considered, but know that he still has a long way to go. She IS going to BEAT this dreadful god dam illness and I truly hope that it's all behind you too now. God bless. X
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