Challenging Times

The past week feels like it has been the most challenging week of my life. While I had a terrible day on Saturday after my treatment, I recovered fairly well on Sunday, however, I haven't improved throughout the week much at all. I could never have imagined what it feels like to feel sick and terrible for an entire week; to the point where simply having a shower is exhausting...... well, now I can. The second treatment has hit me far worse than the first and I can feel just how weak my immune system has become; and it's not a comforting feeling.

Many of my friends have asked me what it actually feels like. It's not a pain in the stomach or anywhere in particular.... to me, it feels like something has completely taken over my body and has zapped every bit of energy away from me. It's difficult to breathe, my head feels hazy and dizzy and I generally have very little energy at all. It is completely debilitating and demoralising and I don't think I could ever have imagined just how terrible these toxins could make you feel.

So spiritually and emotionally, I have been in some challenging spaces this week. I have questioned whether I can do this six more times and I have wonderered time and time again just HOW I can do this six more times. I have realised that dealing with the effects of chemo will be far far more difficult than losing a breast or losing my hair.... these things now seem so insignificant and unimportant to me as I really don't care at the moment if people stare at me because I have no hair. I just need to get through the next six rounds.....and that is my sole focus.

I am going to explore some alternative therapies as I understand how difficult this battle will be and I feel that I need something else to help me get through it.... heaven knows how older people survive through chemo; my heart goes out to them.

I have decided this week to start yoga and meditation as I feel these activities may help me to relax my mind and accept that this is happening (which is difficult to do when you are used to being in control of your health and body).

I have been experimenting with my diet this week to try to find something that makes me feel better.... I have had a fairly plain diet of fresh, organic meat and vege which doesn't seem to be refuelling my energy levels to the extent I would like. I have tried pasta, brown rice and lots of fruit too, however, it has played little impact on me this week.

So I am seeing a top kinesiologist today who I am hoping will be able to provide me with the supplements, spiritual techniques and diet advice that will help me to get through this. When I spoke to them yesterday, the lady on reception said her husband went through chemo last year and the advice he was given made a massive difference. I only hope this will be me!

I'm sure that the next two weeks will be better for me and we have so many exciting things ahead of us, so I will be ok and I know I can do it; it's just going to be a little more challenging that what I anticipated after the first treatment!

So here is to new ideas, open minds and big hearts! Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me this week.... it has helped me immensely. Finally, I would like to thank everyone who has donated to my fundraising website http://www.everydayhero.com.au/susie_johnson I am so proud of this effort and you have all smashed my original target of $1000, so thank you, thank you, thank you!

This will go towards cancer research and if it means that one less person has to go through chemo, then this is a significant achievement and celebration for all of us. I pray for that day to come for all of us as I never want anyone to have to go through this in their lifetime...
xx