Today is day three post chemo three and I continue to feeling SO much better! We had a wonderful day yesterday as I woke up feeling like I was in week two; an amazing feeling for me. We went out for a beautiful stroll along with waterfront in the sunshine and had a great chat and lots of laughs and I cannot describe how wonderful this felt for me. I had to keep pinching myself believing that it was real!!!
We have been on a mission for the past few days, really discovering the foods I will and won't be able to eat. I am absolutely staggered at the amount of food that contains dairy and/or soy. Obviously soy is a big substitute for dairy, however, as I cannot have either ever again, it is fairly challenging to find non dairy and soy products. Here are a few things I was really surprised to find dairy/soy in:
Multigrain bread, muffins, crumpets etc - all contain soy flour
All savoury crackers/biscuits - not that I'll be indulging in cheese any more but rice crackers, vita wheats all contain soy.
Crisps/chips - all contain soy or dairy
Vegetable Stock - yes even this contains soy!
I have been tested for a few replacements for:
butter - Nuttalex has tested ok
Chocolate - yes matty has found a dark peppermint choc bar from Mrs Flannerys which has tested ok - PHEW! (can you imagine life without chocolate?)
Bread - corn bread, mountain bread and rye bread are all dairy/soy free
let's just say that we are going to be nightmares to have over for dinner parties and to go out for dinner!!! Matty doesn't eat dairy or nuts, so I think we are going to be the most difficult pair to cook for! We have decided for now that meat and roast vege is a good stand in healthy alternative while we discover a new dairy/soy free diet..... we were thinking stir fries but many of them contain soy sauce which is obviously a big no no! I'm sure it will be a journey of rediscovery and if it means great health for life, that is fine with me!
Oh well, at least I can still drink champagne!!! There won't be too many other real treats but I'm sure I will continue to enjoy nice wine and champas when I'm feeling a bit better!!!
I am still feeling pretty good today; maybe not quite as good as I did yesterday but I'm enjoying my knitting (yes I am officially a Nanna (I know that's what you're thinking!!)) and I began making my first headscarf this morning without my mentor/best mate Joey..... so we'll see how that goes....
We were delighted that we have an order for one of our scarfs from one of my very trendy friends (thanks Nomes!!); so we are very thrilled about that.....so I have lots of easy little projects to keep me amused on these down days.
I will be very happy if I continue to progress this week and I am being very patient and accepting that I will be bound to have more than one sick day after my body is riddled with toxins....I am feeling completely overjoyed with relief and excitement by the hope and thought that I may never feel as sick as I have done in the past so that is the most comforting feeling I could ask for.
Thank you for your messages... finally, if you have any exciting dairy and soy free recipes, please email me! We would LOVE to try them out....
xx
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Kinesiology + Chemotherapy = RESULTS!!!!
Well it is the FIRST day post chemo and here I am sitting writing my blog; WOW!
I won't lie as yesterday was an extremely traumatic day for me.... I felt anxious and sick to the stomach at the thought of sitting in that hospital chair once more and I was very upset that the day had finally arrived. As soon as we got there and I sat in 'that' chair I just broke down as I couldn't believe I was going to be going through my next near death experience...... it took a while for me to calm down but I did thanks to darling Matty and the treatment began.....
I was really hoping my blood test was going to come back ok but my white blood cells had reduced so much that they were considering whether I can have treatment. Luckily, my oncologiest said to go ahead with it and to give me a self injection which I will do later today so boost my white blood cells...... as soon as it started going through my blood stream, I felt that instant horrible, dire feeling.......by the end of the three hour session, I was feeling pretty terrible but we had an appnt with my kineso straight away so we raced back to see him and got into his room immediately.
He could feel how depleted my body was instantly; my liver, neck, ovaries and stomach were shot within one hour of the treatment finishing..... so he began giving me large doses of grape seed and cyto bifidus powder which helped some organs instantly..... then he discovered that I need to take gelatine, so once I had that, he noticed a huge difference...... so he has put me on really large doses of these supplements for the next three days and we will then reduce the volumes...... so we came home and I dosed up, said my prayers and hoped like crazy this was going to work!
I was awake for most of the night but I never felt anywhere near as sick as I have for the past two treatments..... I started feeling excited. I woke at 5.30am and couldn't believe how much better I was feeling compared to day one of the past two treatments....... I still feel quite sick but I am far from feeling like death, so I am the happiest person in the world today..... if this is my new rock bottom then I know that I can get through this......... and I am SOOOO pleased I went to my kineso......for the first time since I started chemo, I truly believe that I can get through the next five sessions and that I will be ok.... a very comforting feeling.
I also realised last night why I may have been so sick after the last treatment..... I was finding dairy/soy products, like a glass of milk and jarlsberg cheese in bread (which contains soy) really comforting and knowing now that my body is not able to process any dairy or soy, I think this may have made my progress worse.
So while I didn't even understand kinesiology just a few months ago (apart from what I learnt from Matty) I am now convinced that it can massively contribute to your overall health and wellbeing......he said to me the other evening that many people are too scared to see him as they know it will result in a massive lifestyle change (which it has for us) but having felt the benefits over the past two weeks, I am a believer.
Now many of you have been asking who my kineso is so here are his details:
Nundah Chiropractic Centre
11 Rode Rd, Nundah
T: 3266 7093
There are three kinesiologists/chiropractors at the clinic and I see Ben Maitland who as you know has been brilliant. His father is also apparently brilliant but there is a bigger waiting time to see him. I would highly recommend either of them.
So as I sit here proudly writing my blog on day one post chemo three, I am hoping things will continue to improve. Thank you for all of your messages of love and support.
I have hope and I am now more determined than ever to beat this.
Three down, five to go!!
xxx
I won't lie as yesterday was an extremely traumatic day for me.... I felt anxious and sick to the stomach at the thought of sitting in that hospital chair once more and I was very upset that the day had finally arrived. As soon as we got there and I sat in 'that' chair I just broke down as I couldn't believe I was going to be going through my next near death experience...... it took a while for me to calm down but I did thanks to darling Matty and the treatment began.....
I was really hoping my blood test was going to come back ok but my white blood cells had reduced so much that they were considering whether I can have treatment. Luckily, my oncologiest said to go ahead with it and to give me a self injection which I will do later today so boost my white blood cells...... as soon as it started going through my blood stream, I felt that instant horrible, dire feeling.......by the end of the three hour session, I was feeling pretty terrible but we had an appnt with my kineso straight away so we raced back to see him and got into his room immediately.
He could feel how depleted my body was instantly; my liver, neck, ovaries and stomach were shot within one hour of the treatment finishing..... so he began giving me large doses of grape seed and cyto bifidus powder which helped some organs instantly..... then he discovered that I need to take gelatine, so once I had that, he noticed a huge difference...... so he has put me on really large doses of these supplements for the next three days and we will then reduce the volumes...... so we came home and I dosed up, said my prayers and hoped like crazy this was going to work!
I was awake for most of the night but I never felt anywhere near as sick as I have for the past two treatments..... I started feeling excited. I woke at 5.30am and couldn't believe how much better I was feeling compared to day one of the past two treatments....... I still feel quite sick but I am far from feeling like death, so I am the happiest person in the world today..... if this is my new rock bottom then I know that I can get through this......... and I am SOOOO pleased I went to my kineso......for the first time since I started chemo, I truly believe that I can get through the next five sessions and that I will be ok.... a very comforting feeling.
I also realised last night why I may have been so sick after the last treatment..... I was finding dairy/soy products, like a glass of milk and jarlsberg cheese in bread (which contains soy) really comforting and knowing now that my body is not able to process any dairy or soy, I think this may have made my progress worse.
So while I didn't even understand kinesiology just a few months ago (apart from what I learnt from Matty) I am now convinced that it can massively contribute to your overall health and wellbeing......he said to me the other evening that many people are too scared to see him as they know it will result in a massive lifestyle change (which it has for us) but having felt the benefits over the past two weeks, I am a believer.
Now many of you have been asking who my kineso is so here are his details:
Nundah Chiropractic Centre
11 Rode Rd, Nundah
T: 3266 7093
There are three kinesiologists/chiropractors at the clinic and I see Ben Maitland who as you know has been brilliant. His father is also apparently brilliant but there is a bigger waiting time to see him. I would highly recommend either of them.
So as I sit here proudly writing my blog on day one post chemo three, I am hoping things will continue to improve. Thank you for all of your messages of love and support.
I have hope and I am now more determined than ever to beat this.
Three down, five to go!!
xxx
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Gearing up for Chemo 3
I do wonder why the days that I'm feeling good pass by so quickly! Where have the past two weeks gone? Matty and I have had so much fun over the past couple of weeks and the supplements from my kineso have helped me SOOOO much!
When I saw my kineso last night, he actually said that my body was the best he's felt it so far, so that is a good sign for my blood test and treatment today. As scared as I feel, I know that I am as strong as I possibly could be and I feel that the supplements may help me to get through this treatment a bit better than the last.
We tested a lot of my beauty products last night which was fascinating! It's something that I haven't thought a lot about before, however, every product we put on our skin is absorbed and some of them had some bad reactions. Perfume was one of these, so I am now to spray perfume onto my clothes instead of my skin (a good tip for all women). Thankfully, my Lancome moisturiser tested ok as did my moisturisers from The Sanctuary in London (that Matty's mum has sent me), however, a lanolin moisturiser that my sis sent me from NZ (which I've been rubbing onto my head every morning and night) reacted badly, so I am not to use that again. My natural Body Shop deodorant tested ok and we have yet to test my makeup as we ran out of time....
I was also told that I can never eat dairy or soy again. We tested some rice crackers, wholegrain muffin and some crisps which have soy flour in and they were very bad, so I am not able to process soy or dairy, including goats milk every again! So I'm sure we will have fun experimenting with this new lifestyle.
I am seeing him tonight after chemo so he can set me up for the week and hopefully help my body to rebound after treatment; a very exciting thought!
I have had such a great few days in the lead up to today. Firstly, my exquisite engagement ring was completed and we picked it up..... my goodness, I was thinking it would be beautiful however, when I saw it, I could barely believe it! It is absolutely beautiful and the yellow diamond looks so spectacular.... I feel extremely lucky and we had some champagne to celebrate.... incidently we drank this the night before my kineso appnt where he said I was the best he's ever felt...... so we agreed that champagne is the key to a long and healthy life!!!!
My best friend Joey has been with us for the past couple of days.... her skills amaze me! We made our first Alannah style scarf which looks beautiful, she taught me how to knit (so a winter scarf is underway!!) and we did felting - so I now have this great piece of felt that I'm going to make into a needle holder and a jewellery wrap...... how cool is that! We had an action packed couple of days with loads of laughs.... Matty made us a delicious pie for dinner on Wed night and put a bit J and S on it.... it was so tasty!
We had some good friends over for dinner last night and it was so great to chat and catch up.....it was the perfect way to spend my last night before chemo; having some laughs with good friends..... (thanks Kim, Val and Nomes!)
So I can say that I feel like we have made the most of every waking hour over the past couple of weeks.... no doubt, I will need to disappear into my little cocoon over the next week..... I just really hope that this time round is a little better than last AND I will have my beautiful new sparkly finger to look at which I'm sure will cheer me up.
Over and out for now.... here is to treatment three.... one more after this to go on the two drugs which I have struggled with.... then I change to another drug which is supposed to be easier!
Here are some pics of the past week for you to enjoy...
xx
When I saw my kineso last night, he actually said that my body was the best he's felt it so far, so that is a good sign for my blood test and treatment today. As scared as I feel, I know that I am as strong as I possibly could be and I feel that the supplements may help me to get through this treatment a bit better than the last.
We tested a lot of my beauty products last night which was fascinating! It's something that I haven't thought a lot about before, however, every product we put on our skin is absorbed and some of them had some bad reactions. Perfume was one of these, so I am now to spray perfume onto my clothes instead of my skin (a good tip for all women). Thankfully, my Lancome moisturiser tested ok as did my moisturisers from The Sanctuary in London (that Matty's mum has sent me), however, a lanolin moisturiser that my sis sent me from NZ (which I've been rubbing onto my head every morning and night) reacted badly, so I am not to use that again. My natural Body Shop deodorant tested ok and we have yet to test my makeup as we ran out of time....
I was also told that I can never eat dairy or soy again. We tested some rice crackers, wholegrain muffin and some crisps which have soy flour in and they were very bad, so I am not able to process soy or dairy, including goats milk every again! So I'm sure we will have fun experimenting with this new lifestyle.
I am seeing him tonight after chemo so he can set me up for the week and hopefully help my body to rebound after treatment; a very exciting thought!
I have had such a great few days in the lead up to today. Firstly, my exquisite engagement ring was completed and we picked it up..... my goodness, I was thinking it would be beautiful however, when I saw it, I could barely believe it! It is absolutely beautiful and the yellow diamond looks so spectacular.... I feel extremely lucky and we had some champagne to celebrate.... incidently we drank this the night before my kineso appnt where he said I was the best he's ever felt...... so we agreed that champagne is the key to a long and healthy life!!!!
My best friend Joey has been with us for the past couple of days.... her skills amaze me! We made our first Alannah style scarf which looks beautiful, she taught me how to knit (so a winter scarf is underway!!) and we did felting - so I now have this great piece of felt that I'm going to make into a needle holder and a jewellery wrap...... how cool is that! We had an action packed couple of days with loads of laughs.... Matty made us a delicious pie for dinner on Wed night and put a bit J and S on it.... it was so tasty!
We had some good friends over for dinner last night and it was so great to chat and catch up.....it was the perfect way to spend my last night before chemo; having some laughs with good friends..... (thanks Kim, Val and Nomes!)
So I can say that I feel like we have made the most of every waking hour over the past couple of weeks.... no doubt, I will need to disappear into my little cocoon over the next week..... I just really hope that this time round is a little better than last AND I will have my beautiful new sparkly finger to look at which I'm sure will cheer me up.
Over and out for now.... here is to treatment three.... one more after this to go on the two drugs which I have struggled with.... then I change to another drug which is supposed to be easier!
Here are some pics of the past week for you to enjoy...
xx
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
My First Kinesiology Experience
After having the most difficult week of my life last week, I resorted to seeing a top kinesiologist on Saturday.... and what an experience it was!
For those of you who don't know what kinesiology is, it is an alternative therapy which essentially tests your muscles and identifies imbalances in your body's structural, chemical or emotional needs. It's a treatment which uses nutrition, exercise, diet and physical manipulation to energize your body; something that I was in desperate need of on Saturday. There is some skepticism around kinesiology, however, I was willing to try anything last week.... and there is equally as much contraversy around chemotherapy (if not more) if you read widely. In fact, there are many people who have abandoned chemo for alternative therapies; something which I am not willing to do (but was seriously considering it last week!!) but if I can find a way to support my immune system post chemo, it will be a good compromise.
I could feel that my body wasn't recovering at all last week post chemo and that no matter how much good food I put into my body, it wasn't enough to replenish the toxins that had fuelled my entire body and taken it over.
The kinesiologist could barely believe how my body felt; he basically said it was completely distressed, to the point that he wouldn't touch my spine or neck (which was all out) because it was under too much stress already. He had some very interesting observations about why cancer had become active in my body and he was able to prescribe two supplements (Grape Seed and Cyto Bifidus) immediately which he had to give me in massive quantities for it to take effect.
I found the visit absolutely brilliant and I feel that this specialist will help me significantly to get through chemo and identify what is happening in my body to make the cancer active. He mentioned that we have to find what is causing the cancer and make the change so it doesn't come back... this will be a longer process to identify as he said it is not obvious and he has warned me that my diet will change massively. He had so many interesting insights and I really feel that he is going to be able to help me get through this and maintain optimum health. It was very fascinating and he said 'man you are wired so differently hey'...... which I laughed at!!! I don't think he had felt a body in such a dilapidated state ever!
Five days later, I am feeling SO much better and the supplements are making a massive difference. I am also taking inner health plus and I'm not eating any dairy at all for the next week to see if that makes a difference. I will see him again next week but the difference to my immune system in a few days is extraordinary! But I guess you would expect that with about 100 billion good bacterias going into my body each day!
I went to my first Pilates class yesterday which I really loved. It's low energy exercise which focuses on core strength and was the perfect type of exercise for me right now. So this week is a new week and thank goodness I have bounced back again......
NB - if you are a cancer patient reading this, please note that the supplements prescribed to me are specifically for my internal system. Every system is different so this is not a blanket solution post chemo.
Thank you to everyone for your ongoing support and messages..... I love reading them every day and all of the love, support and kindness from all of my great friends helps me to get through every single day of this challenge.
For those of you who don't know what kinesiology is, it is an alternative therapy which essentially tests your muscles and identifies imbalances in your body's structural, chemical or emotional needs. It's a treatment which uses nutrition, exercise, diet and physical manipulation to energize your body; something that I was in desperate need of on Saturday. There is some skepticism around kinesiology, however, I was willing to try anything last week.... and there is equally as much contraversy around chemotherapy (if not more) if you read widely. In fact, there are many people who have abandoned chemo for alternative therapies; something which I am not willing to do (but was seriously considering it last week!!) but if I can find a way to support my immune system post chemo, it will be a good compromise.
I could feel that my body wasn't recovering at all last week post chemo and that no matter how much good food I put into my body, it wasn't enough to replenish the toxins that had fuelled my entire body and taken it over.
The kinesiologist could barely believe how my body felt; he basically said it was completely distressed, to the point that he wouldn't touch my spine or neck (which was all out) because it was under too much stress already. He had some very interesting observations about why cancer had become active in my body and he was able to prescribe two supplements (Grape Seed and Cyto Bifidus) immediately which he had to give me in massive quantities for it to take effect.
I found the visit absolutely brilliant and I feel that this specialist will help me significantly to get through chemo and identify what is happening in my body to make the cancer active. He mentioned that we have to find what is causing the cancer and make the change so it doesn't come back... this will be a longer process to identify as he said it is not obvious and he has warned me that my diet will change massively. He had so many interesting insights and I really feel that he is going to be able to help me get through this and maintain optimum health. It was very fascinating and he said 'man you are wired so differently hey'...... which I laughed at!!! I don't think he had felt a body in such a dilapidated state ever!
Five days later, I am feeling SO much better and the supplements are making a massive difference. I am also taking inner health plus and I'm not eating any dairy at all for the next week to see if that makes a difference. I will see him again next week but the difference to my immune system in a few days is extraordinary! But I guess you would expect that with about 100 billion good bacterias going into my body each day!
I went to my first Pilates class yesterday which I really loved. It's low energy exercise which focuses on core strength and was the perfect type of exercise for me right now. So this week is a new week and thank goodness I have bounced back again......
NB - if you are a cancer patient reading this, please note that the supplements prescribed to me are specifically for my internal system. Every system is different so this is not a blanket solution post chemo.
Thank you to everyone for your ongoing support and messages..... I love reading them every day and all of the love, support and kindness from all of my great friends helps me to get through every single day of this challenge.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Challenging Times
The past week feels like it has been the most challenging week of my life. While I had a terrible day on Saturday after my treatment, I recovered fairly well on Sunday, however, I haven't improved throughout the week much at all. I could never have imagined what it feels like to feel sick and terrible for an entire week; to the point where simply having a shower is exhausting...... well, now I can. The second treatment has hit me far worse than the first and I can feel just how weak my immune system has become; and it's not a comforting feeling.
Many of my friends have asked me what it actually feels like. It's not a pain in the stomach or anywhere in particular.... to me, it feels like something has completely taken over my body and has zapped every bit of energy away from me. It's difficult to breathe, my head feels hazy and dizzy and I generally have very little energy at all. It is completely debilitating and demoralising and I don't think I could ever have imagined just how terrible these toxins could make you feel.
So spiritually and emotionally, I have been in some challenging spaces this week. I have questioned whether I can do this six more times and I have wonderered time and time again just HOW I can do this six more times. I have realised that dealing with the effects of chemo will be far far more difficult than losing a breast or losing my hair.... these things now seem so insignificant and unimportant to me as I really don't care at the moment if people stare at me because I have no hair. I just need to get through the next six rounds.....and that is my sole focus.
I am going to explore some alternative therapies as I understand how difficult this battle will be and I feel that I need something else to help me get through it.... heaven knows how older people survive through chemo; my heart goes out to them.
I have decided this week to start yoga and meditation as I feel these activities may help me to relax my mind and accept that this is happening (which is difficult to do when you are used to being in control of your health and body).
I have been experimenting with my diet this week to try to find something that makes me feel better.... I have had a fairly plain diet of fresh, organic meat and vege which doesn't seem to be refuelling my energy levels to the extent I would like. I have tried pasta, brown rice and lots of fruit too, however, it has played little impact on me this week.
So I am seeing a top kinesiologist today who I am hoping will be able to provide me with the supplements, spiritual techniques and diet advice that will help me to get through this. When I spoke to them yesterday, the lady on reception said her husband went through chemo last year and the advice he was given made a massive difference. I only hope this will be me!
I'm sure that the next two weeks will be better for me and we have so many exciting things ahead of us, so I will be ok and I know I can do it; it's just going to be a little more challenging that what I anticipated after the first treatment!
So here is to new ideas, open minds and big hearts! Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me this week.... it has helped me immensely. Finally, I would like to thank everyone who has donated to my fundraising website http://www.everydayhero.com.au/susie_johnson I am so proud of this effort and you have all smashed my original target of $1000, so thank you, thank you, thank you!
This will go towards cancer research and if it means that one less person has to go through chemo, then this is a significant achievement and celebration for all of us. I pray for that day to come for all of us as I never want anyone to have to go through this in their lifetime...
xx
Many of my friends have asked me what it actually feels like. It's not a pain in the stomach or anywhere in particular.... to me, it feels like something has completely taken over my body and has zapped every bit of energy away from me. It's difficult to breathe, my head feels hazy and dizzy and I generally have very little energy at all. It is completely debilitating and demoralising and I don't think I could ever have imagined just how terrible these toxins could make you feel.
So spiritually and emotionally, I have been in some challenging spaces this week. I have questioned whether I can do this six more times and I have wonderered time and time again just HOW I can do this six more times. I have realised that dealing with the effects of chemo will be far far more difficult than losing a breast or losing my hair.... these things now seem so insignificant and unimportant to me as I really don't care at the moment if people stare at me because I have no hair. I just need to get through the next six rounds.....and that is my sole focus.
I am going to explore some alternative therapies as I understand how difficult this battle will be and I feel that I need something else to help me get through it.... heaven knows how older people survive through chemo; my heart goes out to them.
I have decided this week to start yoga and meditation as I feel these activities may help me to relax my mind and accept that this is happening (which is difficult to do when you are used to being in control of your health and body).
I have been experimenting with my diet this week to try to find something that makes me feel better.... I have had a fairly plain diet of fresh, organic meat and vege which doesn't seem to be refuelling my energy levels to the extent I would like. I have tried pasta, brown rice and lots of fruit too, however, it has played little impact on me this week.
So I am seeing a top kinesiologist today who I am hoping will be able to provide me with the supplements, spiritual techniques and diet advice that will help me to get through this. When I spoke to them yesterday, the lady on reception said her husband went through chemo last year and the advice he was given made a massive difference. I only hope this will be me!
I'm sure that the next two weeks will be better for me and we have so many exciting things ahead of us, so I will be ok and I know I can do it; it's just going to be a little more challenging that what I anticipated after the first treatment!
So here is to new ideas, open minds and big hearts! Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me this week.... it has helped me immensely. Finally, I would like to thank everyone who has donated to my fundraising website http://www.everydayhero.com.au/susie_johnson I am so proud of this effort and you have all smashed my original target of $1000, so thank you, thank you, thank you!
This will go towards cancer research and if it means that one less person has to go through chemo, then this is a significant achievement and celebration for all of us. I pray for that day to come for all of us as I never want anyone to have to go through this in their lifetime...
xx
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Chemo Treatment No. 2
It's Sunday morning; about 36 hours after my second chemo treatment. I decided to have my blood test before this chemo session as they had troubles extracting blood from the vein in my hand last time, so this worked much better for me and I will continue to do this before every session.
My blood test revealed a surprisingly big change in my red and white blood cells; particularly the white. They have gone from 8.9 to 3.1 in just three weeks, which means that I have far fewer cells fighting infections; hence the need for me to be extremely careful around illness. The minimum number of cells you need to have is 2, so hopefully my treatment will stay on track and I won't have such a big drop next time. It reminded me why when I go to the gym, I feel tired so quickly....so there will not be much jogging for me in the next few months I don't think.
I then started the treatment after taking the nausea tablet and waiting for one hour for that to kick in. My two red syringes were slowly injected followed by a big bag of the second drug. 2.5hrs later, I felt extremely tired, dizzy and a bit sick instantly.
We came straight home and I had some roasted vege to have some goodness in my body. I fell asleep by 8pm and woke up at 10.30pm which is when the living nightmare began! I didn't sleep for the entire night after that as I felt so terrible and this feeling continued all throughout the day yesterday; it was really upsetting and distressing for me as I couldn't fathom how I could go from feeling quite good to so so horrendous in an instant. I felt like every bit of energy and life had been sucked out me and I wanted to curl up in a corner and disappear. Matty was so wonderful and kept coming to check on me and look after me but I could barely muster up any energy to speak to him.
It really hit me yesterday just how much of a challenging journey this will be. I found myself in a deep, dark place where nothing made me feel good and I couldn't even muster up any excitement for all of the amazing things we have ahead of us; once again, I had never felt so sick in all of my life and it was hard. I had been excited beforehand as I knew this would mark a quarter of the way there; yesterday another six sessions was incomprehendable. Even today, I am not sure how I am going to do it another six times.... but deep down I know I can do it and I realise that it will be 24hrs of pure hell then it will get better.
I am feeling much better today but it will still be very much a rest day..... and hopefully one that I can venture outside for a short walk and see the sun and experience the fresh air. That will make an excellent day for me right now.
If you happen to be reading this on your way out, PLEASE just have some fun for me today; do some laughing and make sure you tell the people close to you how much you love them; this is what really matters and all of the lovely kind and heartfelt texts I had yesterday did really help me to get through the day so thank you to my beautiful friends and family.
So two down, six to go. All I can imagine right now is being able to write only ONE session to go... please let that day come soon...
xxx
My blood test revealed a surprisingly big change in my red and white blood cells; particularly the white. They have gone from 8.9 to 3.1 in just three weeks, which means that I have far fewer cells fighting infections; hence the need for me to be extremely careful around illness. The minimum number of cells you need to have is 2, so hopefully my treatment will stay on track and I won't have such a big drop next time. It reminded me why when I go to the gym, I feel tired so quickly....so there will not be much jogging for me in the next few months I don't think.
I then started the treatment after taking the nausea tablet and waiting for one hour for that to kick in. My two red syringes were slowly injected followed by a big bag of the second drug. 2.5hrs later, I felt extremely tired, dizzy and a bit sick instantly.
We came straight home and I had some roasted vege to have some goodness in my body. I fell asleep by 8pm and woke up at 10.30pm which is when the living nightmare began! I didn't sleep for the entire night after that as I felt so terrible and this feeling continued all throughout the day yesterday; it was really upsetting and distressing for me as I couldn't fathom how I could go from feeling quite good to so so horrendous in an instant. I felt like every bit of energy and life had been sucked out me and I wanted to curl up in a corner and disappear. Matty was so wonderful and kept coming to check on me and look after me but I could barely muster up any energy to speak to him.
It really hit me yesterday just how much of a challenging journey this will be. I found myself in a deep, dark place where nothing made me feel good and I couldn't even muster up any excitement for all of the amazing things we have ahead of us; once again, I had never felt so sick in all of my life and it was hard. I had been excited beforehand as I knew this would mark a quarter of the way there; yesterday another six sessions was incomprehendable. Even today, I am not sure how I am going to do it another six times.... but deep down I know I can do it and I realise that it will be 24hrs of pure hell then it will get better.
I am feeling much better today but it will still be very much a rest day..... and hopefully one that I can venture outside for a short walk and see the sun and experience the fresh air. That will make an excellent day for me right now.
If you happen to be reading this on your way out, PLEASE just have some fun for me today; do some laughing and make sure you tell the people close to you how much you love them; this is what really matters and all of the lovely kind and heartfelt texts I had yesterday did really help me to get through the day so thank you to my beautiful friends and family.
So two down, six to go. All I can imagine right now is being able to write only ONE session to go... please let that day come soon...
xxx
Thursday, September 2, 2010
My New Hair
On the eve of chemo session number two, I realise that the past few weeks have been pretty good overall. While I have had good and bad days, I know that when I am feeling tired, the best remedy is rest. It is refreshing to know that I will hopefully be able to continue to walk everyday and have a few outings each week.
Today I had one of those outings. I was thinking a few weeks ago that I would not get a wig, however, now that I actually have no hair, I have quickly changed my mind. I went out today in one of my new Alannah scarves, which is beautiful but I felt like a cancer patient for the first time. I find that with my hats, people cannot tell if I have hair under them or not so I don't get as many stares, however, today I really noticed people looking at me, so it will be nice to have a wig so that I can blend in....
Now for anyone who knows me, this is going to be a big change. There is no such thing as a curly blonde long hair wig, so that was not an option. I tried on probably around 20 wigs and had a very difficult time choosing as they are ALL so different. After creating a shortlist and having a little vote between Mum and the girls in the store, I decided to go with this one below. One of the reasons is that it's a similar colour to my hair and I will be able to do a few different styles with it; and more importantly I will still be able to wear my beautiful headbands and hair clips, so that was a good incentive to choose this one.
So here it is...... the unveiling of the new Susie! So despite me having chemo tomorrow, I have lots to look forward to over the next couple of weeks so I am determined to get it out of my system as quickly as possible and feel better quickly!
Let me know what you think of the new do! xx
Today I had one of those outings. I was thinking a few weeks ago that I would not get a wig, however, now that I actually have no hair, I have quickly changed my mind. I went out today in one of my new Alannah scarves, which is beautiful but I felt like a cancer patient for the first time. I find that with my hats, people cannot tell if I have hair under them or not so I don't get as many stares, however, today I really noticed people looking at me, so it will be nice to have a wig so that I can blend in....
Now for anyone who knows me, this is going to be a big change. There is no such thing as a curly blonde long hair wig, so that was not an option. I tried on probably around 20 wigs and had a very difficult time choosing as they are ALL so different. After creating a shortlist and having a little vote between Mum and the girls in the store, I decided to go with this one below. One of the reasons is that it's a similar colour to my hair and I will be able to do a few different styles with it; and more importantly I will still be able to wear my beautiful headbands and hair clips, so that was a good incentive to choose this one.
So here it is...... the unveiling of the new Susie! So despite me having chemo tomorrow, I have lots to look forward to over the next couple of weeks so I am determined to get it out of my system as quickly as possible and feel better quickly!
Let me know what you think of the new do! xx
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