Getting Festive

It's almost NYE and I thought it's been a few weeks since I've written my update...... the lead up to Xmas was  pretty good and while I'm now constantly feeling like a 90 year old lady, I recovered pretty well from chemo 7..... I think it has something to do with the fact that I only had to inject 50% of the drug!!!

I was so relieved that my feet didn't get really sore and infected, however, they are still very tender and I'm wearing socks every day.... I've been told they will not begin to improve until chemo finishes so I'm looking after them as best I can until then.

Christmas this year was really special for all of us. It was the major milestone that I've been dreaming about on all of the mornings I have been lying in bed, crying and waiting for the nightmare to end.... so the lead up was a very exciting feeling as I knew I only have ONE TO GO!

Xmas was very emotional for me this year, especially writing on everyone's xmas cards because it brought back all of the memories and emotions over the past several months.... so I could only do one card a day for my close friends and family, as I couldn't control the tears! It means to much to me that I have so many people who care so deeply about me and it was really great to be able to express my gratitude and appreciation for the love and kindness they have shown me.

It didn't end with simply cards!! This year, I found it very challenging to go out shopping for Xmas presents (yes you heard it everyone, I didn't enjoy shopping for the first time in my life!!!!) mainly because I get so tired easily and the crowds were just too difficult for me....... so I resorted to a lot of online shopping and I'm afraid my family all received a home made gift from me (yes, that's what happens when I have too much time on my hands; sorry mum, shell and matty!!!!)

Our Xmas Day was really really lovely and relaxing at Mum and Dad's. As always, mum excelled in the kitchen and we all enjoyed a dairy, wheat, soy and gluten free day!!!! Honestly, you wouldn't have been able to tell the difference as it was so delicious! We got super spoilt as always and I LOVED all of my pressies....... I now have an adjustable mannequin for my sewing room, some fab new Alannah outfits and a new iPad! We had a really great day full of laughs and special moments so it was great fun!

Here are a few of my home made xmas gifts to my family....... I really enjoyed making them and it was great to be able to give people a home made gift for the first time in my life! I have also mastered baking without wheat flour for the first time with my colourful xmas cookies.

The past few days I have been feeling quite good so I did venture into the gym ...... I was walking on the treadmill only but managed to do a good 40 - 45 mins both days. I thought I'd test my fitness and broke into a very light jog on the first day........ I managed 1 minute 20 seconds before my legs felt like they were going to drop off! Yes my achy bones were very apparent and it hit me just how much the treatment has affected my body, so I didn't try jogging again as I've resided myself to the fact that I'm not going to even put myself through any more physical pain until after chemo...... but I feel my body is going to take a good few months to bounce back! One thing is for sure, I cannot wait until my eyelashes grow back!

For the first time ever, we are having a quiet NYE. There is no way I could stay up until midnight but I will be dreaming of you all celebrating hard in my deep sleep! Please do some partying for me!!!

Happy New Year and hope you are all enjoying the festive season.

xx

Another one bites the dust - my penultimate Chemo!! (7)

Well I can barely believe that I now only have ONE CHEMO TO GO!!!!! My goodness, when I think about it, it fills my heart and my body with so much excitement I cannot tell you!

All went ok yesterday...... I went for my blood test earlier as I always do and I knew it was a good sign when the nurse got the needle in the vein on the first attempt........ I joked with her and asked if she wanted to come to the Wesley with me and put my chemo needle in but obviously she couldn't .......

My luck continued when I had a nurse I haven't had before and I have to say that the most anxious part of having chemo has been getting the needle over the past few times, as it has taken up to 4 times to get it in and they are quite large and painful!!! But she got it in first go and I was delighted!!!!

Before that though, there was a minor drama...... my oncologist is on holidays so I was assigned another one. He came to see me as I was asking about my feet and he said they still look really bad (I have barely any normal skin on the bottom of my feet as it has all come off and it looks very unattractive!!!)....... I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to avoid getting yet another foot infection and when he looked at them he said "oh, let's cancel today's treatment, those feet need more time to recover!!!" Now I'm sure you can ALL imagine what I was thinking ..... I have planned my treatment around xmas and being well enough to attend my cousin's wedding in January so there was no way at this late stage that I was going to postpone treatment, meaning I wouldn't finish in early January!!!!!

Anyway we negotiated that I would have half the dosage of the chemo drug AND the bonus of this is that I won't need to have an extra treatment or anything (why haven't you given me this dosage the entire time I was thinking!!!!)...... so I am now still on track to finish on 7 Jan which is only three weeks away and I cannot wait!

I think I may get the foot infection but they said this is one of the side effects of docetaxel and there is little I can do..... so I'm hoping it's not as painful as last time but we'll see......I have my antibiotics ready to go in case it does return.....

The good news is that my white blood cells were the highest they have been for the entire time..... they jumped from 3.4 to 7.1 from last treatment to this one; great news! My red cells on the other hand are getting very low now and they have gone from 122 - 101 from the start to now so I may need to have a blood transfusion on my last session if I go any lower (fingers crossed I won't need it and I'm thinking some good aussie xmas cheer may increase the count!!)

Yesterday was the last session with my mum taking me which was nice...... we had some good laughs and I was teasing her a bit so it was a bit of fun.......we said on the way out; well, this will be the last time we experience this together - THANK GOODNESS!!!!!!

I've had a very sleepless night but today I'm not feeling too bad...... I feel worse than I have on both of the previous treatments for some weird reason (I thought half the amount would mean half the pain!!!!) but I'm ok and far far better than I was on my first few treatments....

So here is to a quick recovery and a lovely Xmas day! I wish you all a wonderful Xmas and I love you all lots and lots....... I realise this journey has not just been mine, but all of my friends and family's and as we are now coming to the end of it, I can actually begin to imagine what life will be like feeling well again..... let's just say I will continue to smell the roses and ensure that every day brings me love, laughter and happiness wherever I am....... and I will be making the most of every single day and treasuring it because it brings me good health and so many amazing friends and loving people around me...... I am very lucky!

Merry Xmas to my beautiful friends

xxxx

It's Christmas

There have been many days where I have lay in bed dreaming of getting to Xmas; a big milestone! It has always felt so far away so now that it's here, I have been really enjoying getting into the spirit of it..... all from the comfort of home!!

Putting up the tree was quite emotional this year as for the first time, I felt lucky to be here..... something we all take for granted every day but I am grateful to all of my specialists for discovering it and acting so quickly and professionally.......not to mention all of the support, love and wishes from everyone from across the world..... my goodness, you have all got me through this!!

I have been really enjoying making a few gifts this year and there is nothing better than having a visit from my friends, especially when they say they would like a head scarf or a tea cosy or one of my other pieces.....I have loved being able to give so many friends something I've made as it sounds simple, but I have certainly never had the time to do it before.

I have also made some decorations and put them up in the house, so there are 'susie touches' all around us (yes, poor Matty I can hear you saying!!!).... some of them are actually nice!!!!!

I wish you all a very Merry Xmas and a wonderful festive season...... despite that I may still be recovering from chemo on xmas day, I hope that I don't have this infection back and that I am feeling well enough to go for a swim and to enjoy a nice lunch...... that is my wish this xmas!

Here is one of my latest creations...

xx

Chemo side effects

The latest side effect, aside from losing the skin on the bottom of my feet has been the loss of my eyelashes.... can you believe that the hair on my head is actually growing (very very slowly) but I have lost my lashes and most of my eyebrows....... 

I didn't realise how painful it can be to lose your lashes..... they have been regularly weeping and I'm constantly wiping them, despite buying glasses and eye drops....... I'm generally fine if I stay at home but going out in air conditioned places is a bit of a nightmare...... so no xmas shopping for me!! Sorry everyone, you will be getting home made gifts only this year!!!!

The other major side effect which we haven't been able to combat is hot flushes...... despite me taking a supplement to try to manage them, I am getting them every night all night...... one minute I'm freezing so I snuggle up to Matty and then I'm roasting hot........ so it goes on and on all night so I am looking forward to the day when these disappear from my life!! (until at least I'm in my 50's!!!)

The fatigue has also been much more noticable so I'm not sure if it's because I'm on my 7th treatment or whether it's the actual treatment...... but basically, I feel like a 30 year old mind in a 90 year old body!!!! Oh to wake up feeling well every day!!!!

Anyway, overall, it's all ok and I realise as I sit here writing that there could be far far worse things happening to me and other people so I am grateful for the fact that the side effects have been minimal and managable to a large extent!

Funny Stories

In the lead up to Xmas there have been a few funny stories that I thought may give you a giggle, as they did me!!

I went to get my swimming prosthesis this week which was very exciting, as I can now go swimming and still go in my nice funky bikinis........ when the lady showed it to me, she said "oh it doesn't matter if you lose this at the beach because it just looks like a jellyfish!!!!" She had clearly forgotten to think about how I might be feeling if I lose it making obvious my one boob!!!!!! So I have sewed the little pockets into my swimmers extra small and tight!!!

I have been dabbling with my creative projects, which is really the only thing that keeps me really stimulated and happy as I can do it at home and take it at my pace..... my lovely best friend Joey, suggested I make some Angels for xmas which I liked the sound of, so went and got everything I need for them...... came home, made my first one and wrapped it nicely and gave it to Mum as she arrived that morning....... she opened it up and laughed her head off..... then she said "hahahaha is that an angel or a GHOST!!!!" So I had to take it back and rework it so it wouldn't spook her and her guests!!!!! Here it is (before I reworked it) so you can make the choice for yourself!!!

Chemo Six

Well I have just realised that it's the morning of chemo 7 but I have missed a few weeks of blogging and haven't told you about the last treatment yet! My apologies!

In summary, chemo six went fine; the nurses are having great difficulties getting needles into me and it took about three attempts before the needle went in, but that is better than five!!! The session itself went fine and in fact, the following day I was out going for a leisurely stroll along the waterfront with my family..... as my sis had come for another visit from NZ....... it was great!

Then the reality of chemo set in and I got that terrible foot infection back..... in BOTH of my feet this time....... I'm really not sure why it's happening but I have lost a layer of skin on the bottom of my feet and that has caused my feet to become badly infected.......

I was lathering cream on them and keeping them in socks as well as taking antibiotics and resting, resting and resting.......and nothing seemed to work.... I was in agony for a few days to the point where I could barely stand on them but a week later, I recovered and got back to normality!

I have felt extremely tired from this treatment, to the point where I haven't been able to go out for longer than an hour before feeling exhausted....... but after seeing Ben, my kineso this week, he has given me a new supplement Iodine, which has worked wonders to my energy levels...... so I feel now that with two treatments to go, I can do it!!!

I woke up this morning with a pang of dread and excitement as I know that after today, I will have one to go...... bring on 7th Janaury!!!!

xx

Infection Fever Turns to Happiness Fever

Two weeks in from chemo 5, I have nearly fully recovered! It has been a long and slow recovery this time round; can you believe that I still have the bruise in my arm from where the needle went in? (that said, it took four times for the needle to go in successfully last time!!!).

I have suffered a bit this week as I got my first infection, which was an interesting experience. I had what I thought was a very simple blister on my heel, which has turned into an infection after I went for a short walk last week....... who would ever have thought that a blister could turn into a very painful infection! My immune system was clearly very low as I didn't have the white cells to repair the skin (which would normally happen in your sleep after some foot cream!).... and as a result, I haven't been able to stand on my foot for most of the week as it's been extremely painful. I took antibiotics and kept it bandaged up so it has improved throughout the week and I am now able to stand on it and walk in my sandals......while I'm sure the rest has been much appreciated by my body, it has been a very frustrating and challenging recovery for me as I'm not the best person to be told to sit still for two whole weeks. But I had to learn very quickly that I shouldn't get frustrated and fight it; I should rest up and appreciate the time I have to sit still!!! (yes I did actually think that!).

I was watching an ABC programme this week about happiness and one of the best insights for me came when the expert was discussing emotions.... he said that in order to feel true happiness, you need to have experienced the full spectrum of emotions - from sadness, grief, loss etc to excitement, laughter & love etc..... now I have always felt that I am extremely lucky to have had such a fabulous life; how many people get to have experienced living on the other side of the world, career success and a life filled with amazingly loving and caring friends and family....... that said, now that I have felt and experienced so much grief, loss and illness, I think that my perspective on life has definitely changed for the better over the past few months. I don't think anyone can ever imagine what it's like to wake up and not feel well enough to get out of bed, shower and do simple things...... and don't worry, neither could I just a few months ago. But now, if I feel well, I am instantly happy every morning as it feels like a massive bonus to feel well.......imagine how excited I will feel when I'm back to full health!

There have been lots of little things that have really helped me to feel happy including:

Listening to music - downloading new songs from iTunes each week (at the moment, I am a big fan of the Jay Z/Alicia Keys Sex in the City Soundtrack - it rocks)

Reading novels - I have had so many friends send me some fabulous books which I have been reading constantly and they have given me a true escapism - so thank you so much to everyone who has sent me these.....and on bad days, magazines are great too......

Cooking - I've been given some great recipes from friends and it has been great fun to experiment in the kitchen using non wheat, dairy, soy and gluten recipes..... "what can you eat" I hear you asking!!! We got a new juicer last night so that will be great fun to experiment with....

Baths - I've never been a big fan of having a bath, but I have loved having the time to do this over the past few months - grab a book or magazine, get the iPod cranking and it's the perfect remedy to feel better

Unleashing your creativity - yes I have loved learning how to knit and sew over the past few months and there is no doubt this has really helped me to feel good and happy.... especially now that I have an entire room dedicated to it..... who knows, it may be the start of something new.... but it has been great fun and I've loved every minute of it.... AND for those of you who thought knitting was for Nannas, apparently it's massive in London and young women now have knitting parties!

Walking/pilates/yoga- prior to my treatment, I ran most days, however, I have not been able to do much running at all, which at first was devastating to me.... but I quickly discovered there is nothing better than getting out in the fresh air and going for a nice walk, especially around our hilly streets! I think this has made a massive difference to my wellbeing as the happiness it brings me to get outside and walk has been huge. I have also loved learning pilates and yoga too; two classes I would never have gone to previously as they were not high energy enough! Boy, how times change.

My blog - I embarked on this project to keep all of my friends around the world updated on what is happening as well as to inspire and educate other cancer patients..... I had no idea how it would evolve and I did feel anxious about revealing all of my inner thoughts and feelings at first but now, I realise that all of the love and support I've received back from it, has helped me soooooo much to get through this journey. It has been a great outlet to unleash my feelings and I look forward to the day I can go back and have a look at my early entries - I'm sure it will help to keep my new perspective on life very fresh! I also hope it has helped people to learn more about their bodies and be more conscious of the things we put into them; if I have impacted on one person, that is a great feeling for me.

I almost cannot believe that I'm back at chemo next Friday (26th). It has come around so quickly but I am also extremely excited that after next Friday, I only have two treatments to go.... my gosh, the end is so in my sight!

I am also going back to work part time after my next treatment which is really exciting. It feels like a distant memory to be in the routine of working each day but I am looking forward to seeing everyone in my team again and feeling very proud of everything they have achieved over the past four months.

Well it is Saturday morning and my good week end so I'm off to enjoy it! I wish you all a really wonderful week end too!

xxx